New Books I'm Reading--

Police & Thieves Songs from a Live Radio Show Broadcast // Check Out this Amazing Newer Hardcore Band!!

The Earth But Not As We Know It

FIRST BLOOD "Killafornia" 2006 Album!

"They drew first blood, not fuckin' me!!"  Such a great and underrated album.  I bought it as soon as it hit the stores, and jammed it non-stop for a month.  Great, great, great record!!

Some New Books Over the Past Few Weeks--

"Ritual America: Secret Brotherhoods & Their Influence on American Society"
-by A Parfrey & C. Heimbichner

"Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave"
  -by E.T. Welch

"Ancient Maya Women"
-by T. Arden

The Pain..... (an original poem & a SOIA song with it...)

.....it still lingers.  It probably won't  ever  go  away.
It's like a blanket I wear around me, all the time.
It's heavy. 
It hurts.
There is no "out."
What do others do?
What do YOU do?
My uncle took his life in 2011.
Some say he didn't end his pain.
He just passed it along to others.
I don't think he had the answer.
Who does?
What is it?
I look in the mirror & I see nothing.
Empty.
The Mirror of Emptiness.
It's gone.
It fled.
It left me behind.
The pain it still lingers.
God knows. 
God knows it still lingers.

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this sums it all up...SOIA  SICK OF IT ALL

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Current Playlist For the Soundtrack To My Life--

Do not be mistaken by this post, I am NOT suicidal.  Depressed some, maybe.  Pissed off & angry?
Yeah, some. I've been told by a couple of people lately that I seem to be "full of anger."  I wouldn't say that I'm full of anger though.  Like all human being, I am multi-faceted and at times a walking contradiction of myself.  I do want there to be love & understanding at every step of the way in my life.  I do want there to be peace everywhere in the world.  I do want for everyone to get along & work together for the common benefit.  But we all know that you can't always get what you want.  Even the ROLLING STONES knew that!  So some of the time I am extremely angry & bitter & some of the time I'm super positive, optimistic, happy & content.  I suppose that when I was younger, as a little punk rock teenager, I was very angry all the time.  That seemed to be the nature of being punk.  You were angry at society, the world, and the rulers of this fucked up system.  THAT's what punk rock was all about, or so I thought.
But now, today, being a bit older I don't necessarily see things the same way.  Also, being forced to play the hand I've been dealt has given me a different perspective on things.  However I suppose I'm a bit more outspoken when I'm angry, so I see how some friends could convict me of being "full of anger." Because, after all, when you stand accused of something, you must be ready to be convicted.
Still--as always--take care of each other & look out for one another. And enjoy the music here.
We're all in this together. m//r
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NEGLECT


COLD AS LIFE


NEGATIVE APPROACH



GBH


DANZIG

DEATH THREAT

SURFACE "My Own" // Excellent Metallic Emo Hardcore Circe 1990's

BENT WIND "Mistify" (1969) Canadian Heavy Psychedelic Band--[Awesome Music!!]

I Know It's Hard...

...very hard sometimes.  As frustrated as I get, as suicidal as I feel, I just need to remember that I want to live. If for nothing else than to be able to see what will happen around 12-21-2012! I am strangely fascinated to this thesis. I am enthralled, you could say.  But yes, this life is hard, cruel, unfair, uncomfortable, and sickening.  People are treating each other like shit. We misuse & slaughter animals because we like their taste. We treat the earth with the respect of a pile of dog shit. We turned

our backs on God. We worship money, sex, and materialism. I'm so fucking sick of it. Maybe that's part of the reason why I've been on a suicidal death trip for 20 years now. I just don't care, most of the time. I'm a mean, nasty, racist, homophobic, slacker. Slacker times ten. I can stay up all night talking shit about someone, and then sleep in till 3pm the next day. Expecting someone else to buy me groceries, cook me food, and pay my bills.  I just don't really give a fuck most of the fucking time. Seriously. I'm fed up. I've had enough. Tired of being alive more often than not.  This is not a "cry out" for help or anything like that. I don't want your attention or sympathy. Actually, quite the contrary. I would really like to be left alone. I wouldn't mind having my tongue cut out of my head, sans anesthetic, and disposed of.  I don't need to do anymore talking to anyone about anything. Just sick of shit over & over.  But I DO want to live. Which makes this all so confusing. I hate the thought of giving up, throwing the towel in, buying the farm, giving up the ghost, etc.  Keep on keeping on!