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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Video "Quaerere Deum: Documentary of Italian Monastery"

Beautiful & amazing! I truly, truly want to live in a monastery like this.  I think it's been my dream for years now.   And meditating on my life over the past seven years, I am convinced that God has been priming me for this kind of life (though I could always be wrong!)  My interest in books, music, philosophy, women (and lack of them!), etc.  Too many things are pointing to the monastic life.  Of course I may simply be thinking out loud right now.  But in all earnestness, this kind of life looks appealing and amazing to me.  The simple idea of giving up everything to live a life of solitude for the Lord, all feels so natural to me. My personal daily written journal has much more on this topic.  I am not comfortable yet revealing too much here on the interwebz.

Please watch this video if you have 45 minutes to spare from your hectic all-important life.



Saturday, October 05, 2013

Watched That Awesome "This is CLASH TV" DVD--


"This is CLASH TV" is one of the BEST put together bootleg DVD's ever made about The CLASH!!  Chock full of live CLASH footage from all era's of the time together, including: Interviews from UK television shows, segments of classic concerts, and the great interview on the Tom Snyder Show in 1981!!  Tons more stuff on there!  Picked it up a few years ago, or given to me as a gift, can't quite remember.  Oh yeah, it's got their performance from Saturday Night Live in 1982!!  Hot damn this thing is rad!! 
In other news: I got the job I interviewed for today!  Yay for me!  I'm so stoked to be working at Zingerman's Bakehouse for the holiday season!!  And who knows, it may turn into a permanent full-time gig.  I didn't know it at the time, but today was the feast day of St. Francis of Assisi, whose name I took at my Confirmation into the Catholic Church!!  Thank you for your help, St. Francis.
God is good! ♥♥♥

Friday, October 04, 2013

Stunned At This Turn of Events // (Edward Snowden Was Wrong About the Great Solar Flare As the Big "Killshot" That Posed a Danger to Earth)

Soooo many new books I don't even know where to begin... I'm at the library almost every day, now that I live 150 feet away from the damn place!!  I'm going to make a couple of posts about that later on.

The following is an excerpt from a book I recently read, "Thrashing in Ragwood."  About the life of a punk rock kid growing up in the middle of nowhere & how he copes with it all.  Good stuff, considering I don't read novels all that much.  I prefer non-fiction, as m//r readers know! 


"I am still having a hard time understanding how & why this happened. I am still having a hard time with how a person whom I once loved & who ostensibly loved me as well, could possibly sic the motherfucking cops on me?! WTF?!? Lemme' say it again, What. The. Fuck?! Wouldn't simply emailing me to say, "I don't want to talk to you anymore. Don't email me" work just as well? Why in the fuck would ANYONE call the fucking cops on another person--a FRIEND at that--just because they didn't wanna talk anymore?? Here's the bloody facts about Sharon (unless there's something I'm missing, this is the honest to goodness truth): I went to high school with this "woman" Sharon (A term used loosely.) We were both in the punk rock scene, and at the time there just weren't that many of us punkers here in Ragwood, Nebraska. This girl was basically what we called a "poseur." She was like a comic book version of a punker--a thick layer of white corpse paint over her acne ridden face, black eye shadow, black lipstick, a large dyed black fully charged mohawk (that actually looked kinda' cool), carefully ripped & torn jeans, and black combat boots. The thing about her that stood out most, believe it or not, wasn't her carefully put together appearance, but her insanely large nose!! I am not exaggerating when I say it was by & far the BIGGEST nose I have ever, EVER seen on any human being in my entire life!! To this day I have never seen one bigger!! Thick & wide, and very loooong. Too long. My guess is it made the simple act of eating difficult. I couldn't even imagine trying to kiss her! (Actually I can, since I did try to kiss her! More about that in a bit.) Her & I weren't friends, but we weren't enemies either. She had it rough back then, getting lunch & other object thrown at her by the jocks, and spit on, ridiculed, and bullied by the punk rockers, the tribe she was supposed to be most at home with! I used to feel sorry for her, especially watching her get beat up by one particularly tough Asian punker named Annie Shapiro. Annie had a reputation as a tough gal (the feminine equivalent of "tough guy" I suppose) and was a brown-belt in Ju Jitsu. But what could I do, I was bullied myself by Annie! Fast forward to 2007, and me & this now ex-punker girl started chatting via MySpace. We exchanged phone numbers & started talking on the phone and eventually made plans for a date. I was super excited, since after looking through Sharon's MySpace photo albums, it appeared that she had had a nose job, toned down the punker gal look, adopted a macrobiotic diet, laid off the booze & chain smoking, and was even into running & competing in marathons! She also made it clear that she was very, very horny and wanted to have sex with me, on the first date! This is something I normally don't do, since I'm always afraid of getting an STD or worse: and unwanted pregnancy. So she invited me over to her house--for sex--and to watch a DVD & talk. Well we didn't have sex, not that I couldn't have, but I told her I wanted to wait & see where this went. I knew I liked her a lot right away, and she told me she felt the same. Of course we eventually started sleeping together & we fell in love. The only problem was, I was out on bond from the county jail, fighting a bogus minor drug possession charge. I didn't tell this to Sharon right off the bat (who would?) but rather waited until closer to my trial date. With the prospect of jail in front of me, I was scared & not really looking to get into a new relationship. But then again, maybe having a girlfriend who would write to me, visit me, put money in my account, and order me books might be an asset! I would up coping a plea to 90 days in the county jail. True enough, Sharon stuck with me and did all the things I mentioned. This made the county jail much more bearable. I got out after doing seventy days and Sharon & I picked the relationship right back up. Things seemed to be going well, but I just didn't feel "right" with her. She argued with me a lot, picked fights, whined about nearly everything incessantly, and was just an all around negative Nancy & Debbie downer! She hated sex--especially foreplay--(what kind of woman doesn't like to have her guy go down on her or finger-fuck her? Weird!) and wasn't at all into romance or spontaneity whatsoever. And the kicker: Her nose was as big as it was back in h.s., maybe even bigger! Not to mention that she would never let me meet her parents, coworkers, or any of her friends. I began to suspect that she was cheating on me, and my suspicions turned out to be correct. We broke up, but remained friends. We still talked frequently, mainly via email & text messaging. We had a few arguments, but never anything serious. We tried getting back together, but it wasn't time yet. The wounds of her cheating on me were still too fresh. Plus, she was starting school full time, so we decided to wait til she was finished with school, ostensibly two years. (Apparently community college & dating were a bit too much for her at one time. Hey, I never said she was a smart woman! Wait: A butt ugly chick who hates to fuck and isn't all that smart? What the fuck was I thinking?! LOL!) Well, after all Sharon & went through together, the end result was that she tried to sic the law on me! Let me repeat that: she tried to sic the law on me, for emailing her. First of all, I emailed her to apologize for my part in things, owning up to where I went wrong, and to say I was sorry & that I wanted to make a formal amends to her. Then I emailed her to ask if we could talk about things, her, me, us, etc. That was about it. A normal person would have returned the email(s) with either an, "I forgive you" or a "fuck off" or something in between. Yeah, a "normal" person. But apparently not this chick. Nope. Playing with my heart, and then siccing the police on me..... Well, the world has my word: Never again. I'm 86'd. Lesson learned: Stay away from the mud puddles, they're full of piranhas.

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

"Pride versus Humility... A CRITICAL TEST FOR THE SEEKER OF GOD"


*"IT IS NOT HE WHO INSULTS OR BLAMES HIMSELF, THAT IS THE HUMBLE PERSON, BECAUSE WHO CAN NOT BEAR HIMSELF? BUT THE TRULY HUMBLE PERSON IS HE WHO STANDS THE BLAMES AND THE INSULTS OF OTHERS WITHOUT DIMINISHING HIS LOVE FOR THEM" (ST. JOHN EL-DARGY).*
Pride is a prison; it can creep into a man's heart and imprison the man from even a shadow of humility. Pride makes decisions based upon wants and desires of our human nature. It does not take into account the righteousness or the spiritual worth of the decision or choice but rather the earthly gain. It does not consider the ill effects of the desire upon those it will entail. There are many questions that can readily determine pridefulness.

Does your desire for accomplishment and reputation exceed your love of God? Does your apology for a wrong not readily occur because you need to stop and evaluate how it will affect others perception of you? Does the need to repay a slight enter into your consciousness more than the need to forgive? Does your heeding gossip overcome your respect of another and you favor its bearer by listening? Have you considered the gossip may be a falsehood especially with a non-witnessed act? Do actions such as these make you peaceful and prayerful or discontent and anxious?

While pride puffs up a man, humility lowers him. Lowly humility is the foundation for all other virtues to nurture and grow in strength. Humility is the graciousness of the soul of man. Humility is not an expression, an outer appearance, tone of voice, or captured into words. Humility does not come programmed into man but rather it is cultivated with each control of will, each immoral inclination defeated, and each bodily desire contained. As each ungodly act is diminished, humility begins to take a stronghold within man. Man finds that he is being raised up closer in his relationship to God. A clear sign of this is the true happiness man begins to feel dwell within him. The bearing of humiliation becomes not an impossibility but action towards achievement of it.

Many of those who battled pride in the Holy Bible often succumbed to its consequences. Those who chose the virtue of humility were often honored because of it. Pride expelled angels from Heaven, confused the language of those whom considered themselves mighty, raised a man sold as a slave, drowned a pharaoh in the Red Sea, and a man who needed another to speak for him became a leader.
  1. Pride expelled angels from Heaven and humility entreated the Son of God to come down from Heaven to become a servant of man on earth. It has often been written that before man's creation within God's fathomless eternity, there were angels. God made the angels, heavenly spirits, somewhat similar to the soul of the man he would create. Lucifer was one such angel, who was not satisfied to be a heavenly spirit of God and desired to be as great as the Lord Himself. His pride having overtaken him, Lucifer refused to worship and serve the Lord our God. Archangel Michael, the defender of our Lord led the battle which drove Satan (Lucifer) from Heaven to eternal punishment. Those angels who accompanied Lucifer in the battle he waged against our Lord became commonly known as "devils". Pride is a powerful sin, one in which even the heavenly angels are plagued with and can fall from grace if allowed to overcome them.
    "How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, you who weakened the nations! For you have said in your heart: 'I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; I will also sit on the mount of the congregation on the farthest sides of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.'" (Isaiah 14:12-14).

    The Lord Jesus Christ chose to come down from Heaven to become man. He was born of humble surroundings to a humble virgin of a humble family. The Lord Jesus Christ humbly came to serve, to preach, to teach, to heal, and to save the lost. He endured ridicule, accusations of blasphemy, nails driven through his wrists and feet, and shamefulness as outer clothing was publicly taken from His Holy Body. The Lord Jesus Christ's closest male companions all, but one ran away rather than defend His Righteousness. This humble man would rise on the third day as an untouchable being. The Lord Jesus Christ's Holy Ascension would complete the union of God and man.
    "Jesus said to her, 'Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father, but go to My brethren and say to them, I am ascending to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God.''" (John 20:17).
  2. Pride confused the mighty builders of the Tower of Babel and humility scattered peoples with different languages so they would learn to seek God. After the Great Flood, the whole earth was of one race and one language. They desired to make THEMSELVES one great city with one great tower whose top would reach the heavens. They rationalized that with these accomplishments they would "make a name for THEMSELVES". They had forgotten the name of the Lord their God who had saved only their lineage in the Great Flood.

    Without warning, one solitary shared language changed into multiple incoherent languages. The mightiness of the people was quenched with the inability to communicate and coordinate tasks. The Tower of Babel's top was never raised.
    "So the Lord scattered them abroad from there over the face of all the earth, and they ceased building the city and the tower" (Genesis 11:8).
  3. Pride in the disguise of jealousy sold Joseph and humility gained Joseph control of all Egypt's vast resources. Jacob plainly let it be known that Joseph was his favorite son. It became the root of jealousy among his other eleven brothers and they planned to kill him. One man's poor judgment should not be allowed to grow and cultivate within others. The prideful nature of the brothers, rather than humility, took a stronghold among them and they plotted to be rid of him.

    Rather than kill Joseph, the brothers decided upon selling him for twenty pieces of silver to merchants whom would take Joseph to Egypt. Joseph remained humble in Potiphar's house, in jail, and with Pharaoh. He gave God the homage for all his dreams which came to fruition. Only Pharaoh on the throne of Egypt was above Joseph as ruler of Egypt. Even at that, Joseph had the signet ring of Pharaoh carrying his seal in which Joseph was trusted to sign for the king and to seal for the king. Humility made a hurtful, painful family ill deed into a prosperous one. Joseph would later feed his family during famine with the same humility that he rose to power on. Not only would the humbleness of Joseph feed his family, he would provide them with fertile lands in Goshen. Joseph's humbleness not only found favor with Pharaoh but with Jacob his father.
    "Moreover, I have given to you one portion above your brothers; I am giving you Shechem, which I took from the hand of the Amorites with my sword and bow" (Genesis 48:22).
  4. Pride drowned Pharaoh and humility lifted up the hand of Moses. As Moses led out of Egypt, the six hundred thousand Israelites descended from the seventy who came there with Jacob. Pharaoh and his men realized they would have to perform the tasks of the servants who no longer served them. Desiring to serve no man nor themselves, Pharaoh and his great army with chariots and horsemen went after the Israelites with feverous intent. Moses believed God would help the Israelites all the while knowing without God they had no hopes to fight and win. 

    Moses prayed for God's help. Moses was instructed by God to stretch his staff over the Red Sea. A strong wind burned through the night and the next morning the wind had divided the waters of the turbulent sea. The Israelites walked to the other side of the sea on a dry path. Then the Egyptians, close behind, attempted to follow the dry path of the Israelites. Moses lifted his hand again as directed by the Lord His God and the waters came rushing upon them, not one single Egyptian, horse, or chariot survived. Death served those whom had need of a servant to serve him. Pride drowned a ruler and a mercenary army with the raising of a humble man's arm.
    "So the Lord saved Israel that day from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians dead on the seashore" (Exodus 14:30).
  5. Pride transformed Nebuchadnezzar into a wild beast and humility turned a brave widow into a defender of the faith. Nebuchadnezzar sought to demolish all the gods of his lands. He sought to destroy all the people's sacred places so that the all would be forced to worship him only. Nebuchadnezzar proclaimed his divinity boastfully with the titles of "the great king" and "lord of all the earth". He sent out his generals and armies to enforce religious restraint to all but him. In the end it was not Nebuchadnezzar but Judith's hand which was decisive in Whom should be worshipped.

    Judith fasted, prayed, and wore sackcloth and ashes because the Jews had placed all faith in walls and armies against the decree rather than trust in God. As a pious widow strong in faith with no previous training in either warfare or battle strategy she took the head of an Assyrian general and directed all praise to God. Judith, with trust in the help of God, defended a city without an army, military training,, or her own sword.
    "Then she approached the bedpost, near the head of Holofernes. She took out his sword which hung there. She then came closer to the bed, and taking hold of the hair of his head, she said,'O Lord God of Israel, at this moment strengthen me.' Then she struck his neck twice with all her might and cut off his head" (Judith 13 6-8; Orthodox Study Bible).
Many of the desert fathers sought to explain and continually maintain humility due to its essentiality as the cornerstone of all other virtues. Humility is a virtue that must be consciously and unrecognizably acquired rather than taking a few small steps to receive.

Shenouda El-Suriany (Late Bishop Youanis) wrote: "If pride is considered the worst vice, the mother which begets, surrounds, and strengthens many serious sins, then without a doubt humility is the top mothering virtue, which begets virtues and saves many from sins. It is considered the basis of all virtues. Hence, he who masters humility lays a good strong foundation for the building of his spiritual life. It is described by the one of the fathers' as 'The tree of life, whoever eats from it never dies.'" 

No one is exempt from the learning process as evidenced by this monk who dedicated his life to God and denounced the worldly seeking good standing of another.
"A monk once seeking the favor of St. Timothy the hermit said, '"I find that my mind is always with God.' St. Timothy the learned hermit replied, 'Better still is to see you below all creation, as there is no fall from humility.'"
Life's stories and lessons teach us to honor and seek humility. Just as Archangel Michael, Joseph, Moses, and Judith discovered God was with them when they sought Him first and pride last. 

The wise Joshua Ben Sirach said, "Because gold is tested in fire and acceptable men in the furnace of abasement" (Sirach 2:5; Orthodox Study Bible).

May we all seek to achieve undisclosed humility critically testing if we are seeking the Lord whom taught "...learn from Me for I am gentle and lowly in heart..." (Matthew 11:29)

God bless you,
Bishop Youssef
Abbot, St. Mary and St. Moses Abbey