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blogdog: Apocalypse Conspiracy

Great Movie/Doc "Hidden Human History" --Interesting, Food for Thought!

Mother's Day is Sunday, May 12, 2013 What to Do, What to Do??? ♥♥♥

So this Sunday is Mother's Day.  As in past years, I don't have any extra money to buy my mama
anything of value.  Monetary value I mean.  I COULD make her a nice card out of colored construction
paper with glitter & fuzzy balls (haha, fuzzy balls should NEVER be in a post about mama!) and all
decked out, 4th grade styleee.  "I'm money-broke& I can't cope..."  -RANCID.  Okay, I CAN cope &
I CAN buy mama a nice card.  Instead of scrounging for ANOTHER Barnes & Noble or Amazon.com
gift card, I'm thinking I will write a short "swearing off oath" similar to what husbands used to write/
sign back in the late 18th/early 19th centuries.  Before society had detox units, treatments centers, Alco-
holics Anonymous meetings & support groups, we had the 'Temperance Movement.'  
Men (and even some women) would  sign "the oath" swearing off liquor, debauchery, and 
promiscuous behavior, for good!  Basically a promise to never again climb into the bottle.  Many of 
the pioneers of Alcoholics Anonymous were members of such groups withing the Temperance Movement.  The Oxford Group was the organization closest to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), being "a
six step program" that Bill Wilson (aka Bill W.) & Dr. Robert Smith (aka "Dr. Bob") along with the 
Big Man in the Sky, morphed into a 12 step program.  Thus was AA born!  Since it's inception AA has
helped MILLIONS of men & women, "solve the drink problem for good."  But I digress, I just want to
show my mama that I am seriously serious about my recovery from alcohol & other drugs.  I'm sure she
knows this, but I can't think of anything better to give her that doesn't involve money or mass produced
bullshit thinly disguised as a "I love you & appreciate you as my mother!" gift.   A nice Hallmark card
with a few sentences promising to never take a drink again!  (The man takes a drink & then the drink 
takes the man.)
Happy Mother's Day, mama!  I love you & appreciate all that you've done for me, in spite of myself.

New Books I'm Reading for May 2013! ♥♥♥

"The Secret Message of Jesus: Uncovering the Truth that Could Change Everything"
  -by Brian D. McLaren

"I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist"
  -by Norman L. Geisler & Frank Turek

"The Power of the Parable: How Fiction by Jesus Became Fiction About Jesus"
  -by John Dominic Crossan

"Grey Wolf: The Escape of Adolf Hitler"
  -by Simon Dunstan & Gerrard Williams

"Pope Francis"
  -by Matthew E. Bunson

"Lemuria and Atlantis: Studying the Past to Survive the Future"
  -by Shirley Andrews

"Hitler's Charisma: Leading Millions Into the Abyss"
  -by Laurence Rees

"How Hitler Could Have Won World War II: The Fatal Errors That Led to Nazi Defeat"
  -by Bevin Alexander

Secret Quest: The Path of the Christian Gnostics

Link to a great video! Get into it!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt8tRdOnEzc (link)

Hollow Earth, Atlantis and Origin of Humans - Part One - Dawn Of The God...

I have no idea why YouTube isn't allowing me to post links showing the video on this blog. I used to be able to do it just fine. If anyone knows WHY & HOW, please email me! Yikes!!!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzH8ZRAcKMw (link)

Her & Me and the Rest of Humanity // No Love Lost ♥

So much has happened with us over the past 18 months.  I put myself out there to her.  Told her I loved her soooo much.  We talked almost everyday for six months.   She kind of opened up to me & I opened up to her a lot.  She broke my heart by flirting & arranging sex with a stranger.  Yes, we WERE broken up, but we still slept together once and talked at least once a week.  I was still in love with her.  I figured we were getting back together.  I truly considered her "my girl."  I had some plans (in my head) to be with her forever.  Maybe have a baby some day.  But certainly live together, raise some animals & a garden, remodel a house, buy some land, etc.  Yes, I DID hope for all of that.  I have loved other women in the past and I have "hoped" in the past.  As usual this time I got pissed on by that 'bitch called hope.'   She KNEW what my insecurities, my fears, and my vulnerabilities were.  To make this even worse--to add insult to injury--she is carrying on with her life like nothing has happened!  Did she EVER love me?  Did she EVER hope for a future with me, for "us?"  It sure doesn't seem like it, especially since she TOLD ME that this was, "my fantasy, not hers."  Ouch.  That one really hurt.  I really believe this is a part of the "schizoid personality disorder."  I learned much more about this recently in a mental health lecture given by a woman recovering from mental health & substance abuse issues.  A very smart lady who has chosen a career helping to educate other people on their road to recovery.  Adult men & women--but especially women-- with "schizoid personality disorder" tend to be extremely "frigid" or cold in their personal relationships.  Often with little attachment to family, rarely involved with family activities, with few if any friends, disinterested in sex or intimate relationships, and a general "loner" mentality.  Basically a recluse.  Or as we usually joke, "a crazy old cat lady!"  So when I heard the presenter explain this, my jaw fuckin' dropped!  I thought, "this is her, EXACTLY!"   Now I know what the problem was/is!  I'm sure she wouldn't accept any of this however.  She's the model of perfect mental health, after all. (Sarcasm.)  I was always the crazy one according to her.  She even went so far as to call the police on me AND attempt to file a PPO!  WTF?!?  Ostensibly for "actions" she thought I did that WEREN'T EVEN ILLEGAL!  ("Setting up an email account pretending to be someone else."  How laughable.  That would make half of the folks who spend time online, guilty of a crime!  Since people on the internet pretend to be someone/something that they AREN'T all the time!  Nevermind the FACT that I didn't even do this in the first place.  If there were a morality police SHE would be the one under investigation.  Yes, we were "broken up" at the time, but we WERE still talking often, texting on an almost daily basis, and Facebook friends.  The idea that she would meet some stranger on a pathetic 'lonely vegans' dating site, and after six emails or so agree to sleep with him (exchanging sex talk with him in the meantime) is thoroughly disgusting & shows what kind of person she is when she thinks no one is looking. Ha!)  
I know I have a depression disorder & maybe slightly manic at other times, but I am NOT in denial about it.  I have worked my ass off for many years to be alright with myself.   So, before she goes and uses anybody else or pisses on anyones emotions, she needs to get some help & check her motives.  I truly gave 110% of myself & my love & my life to her.  I took everything very seriously.  But to her it seemed to all be a game.  Nothing else mattered but her & her sweet little reputation.  Her life is one big secret.  I can't believe I fell for her bullshit.  I mean, it's not like she's a beauty queen, and she doesn't have millions, to use her words.  For Pete's sake I never even met her family, her co-workers or any of her three friends.  I suppose we were never REALLY that close, and it was basically a casual, low impact relationship.  Still, I am sad and don't need her negative karma in my life.