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10.05.2013

Four Years as a Full Fledged Catholic~

Four years ago I was confirmed into the Catholic Church. Growing up Catholic, I didn't hate CCD classes or Mass, though I didn't particularly like it much. After my first Communion, my parents were divorced and we stopped all activity in the Church, so I never received the Sacrament of confirmation. Soon I began following a different dogma, punk rock and the hatred & distrust of all religions (unless it was Buddhism or Wicca or New Age or another "approved" theology within the milieu of the hardcorepunk scene).  It took me about twenty years to realize that even though I loved (and still love) punk rock & all it's splinter denominations (hardcore, mod, Oi!, straightedge, emo, thrash metal, etc), I still felt "empty."  I also realized that the punk music scene posed more questions than it did offering answers & lasting substance to enrich my life.  Along the way I saw that punk & spirituality (even organized religion) COULD mix, thanks to BAD BRAINS, CRO-MAGS, YOUTH OF TODAY, & SHELTER, and to a lesser extent STRONGARM, SONS OF ABRAHAM, & ZAO.  That's all more of an aside, however, since the last thing I needed was "permission" to feel the way I did/do from some tattooed hardcore kid.  For me, it takes TOO MUCH faith to be an atheist & I get less of a return on my investment than I do with being a Catholic Christian!!  
I went to Eucharistic Adoration tonight, and I'll go to Mass on Sunday, as I've been doing every week for four years.  Yes, I've had plenty of "slips" and smoked plenty of dope in the past four years.  But I haven't been back to jail nor been charged with any new crimes.  I still use the word "fuck" quite a bit & I've lied, stolen, and cheated in that time. The Church isn't a rest area for saints, it's a hospital for sinners.  And I'm still an addict trying to get better rather than a bad guy trying to do good. ♥♥♥

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