These past few weeks have also seen me move into my new place, just me & two housemates, very cool! We're living together, peacefully, similar to "third order" Benedictine monks you could say.
These are very dedicated & supportive guys--sober & spiritual--ready to help me get that gnarly, nutty dame out of my mind & memory forever! I'm not even sure WHAT I was thinking in the first place, other than to say that I was EXTREMELY desperate, sad, confused, lonely, and hard up. Hell, I would've taken a friggin' blow up doll over that crazy cat lady! She was the first & only woman whom I have dated who would tell me all about what her cats did that day, their little adventures, how they were acting, behaving, misbehaving, froliccing around, their emotional states, what they ate, how many times they shit, their medical problems (including one long drawn out boring as hell story about how one of them had problems with his "anal duct glands!" OMG, I shit you not! Pun intended! If I have to listen to her whiney voice say "anal duct" one more time I'm gonna' use ice picks to puncture my eardrums, with pleasure!) and even the conversations the cats had with her! (I'm serious!) All b.s. aside, that's exactly how things went on an almost daily basis. It (her stories & her unbearable screeching voice) got to be so annoying that I would tell her I didn't have voice minutes left on my phone, only texting minutes. As a result we hardly EVER talked on the phone, but texted & emailed instead.
Regarding 'doing the nasty' as my friends and I used to call it (somehow the word "nasty" seems very apopro here--) This person & I slept together MAYBE a dozen times, probably a bit less, in over two years of dating. (!!!) She just didn't like sex much at all. Notwithstanding the fact that she was TERRIBLE at it and lacked romance, couthe, or any semblance of how to behave in the bedroom (one ultra disgusting moment comes to mind, involving her abruptly checking to see if she started menstruating, right in the middle of what was supposed to be foreplay but instead turned into me summoning all of my willpower to control my gag reflex as the hyper-acidic stomach juices made their way up my esophagus & I nearly lost my lunch on her bedroom floor! FYI, this was one of the many instances that I was unable to even consider 'doing the nasty' with her). I didn't even know that it was possible for a female, made of sugar & spice and everything nice, but brothers I'm here to tell you that it sure is. These were hands down, by far & wide the absolute WORST sexual experiences, that I have ever had the displeasure of taking part (or NOT taking part) in, in my entire life! And trust me dear readers, I am leaving a LOT of the more disgusting & profane X-rated moments out of my family friendly blog! (LOL, yeah real family friendly!)
So uh yeah, where was I?? Suffering from PTSD, that's where. For some reason being with this gal just felt "wrong." ....it felt dirty, gross, & "odd." Imagine getting into a relationship years later with a person you watched get teased, made fun of, and mocked when you were in high school, even if you weren't one of the people who was doing the bullying (for the record I think harassing each other--especially those weaker than you--in school is stupid & wrong, but we all know it happens everywhere). Her & I did know each other in h.s. but we were never exactly "friends" though we certainly weren't enemies. And so many years later, after bumping into each other on facebook & exchanging emails & text messages, we started hanging out in person & dating. I looked at several of her pictures she had on her facebook page, and THEY LOOKED pretty good, she looked like she aged well! HOWEVER--and here's the caveat--I was under the impression that she had some kind of a nose job since I last saw her twenty years ago or so (at that point she was a member of the notorious 'Northern Hammerskins' here in Detroit, & that made her an arch enemy of mine! She went from white corpse paint and black lipstick with a charged mohawk, to a bleach-blonde chelsea cut with shined up Doc Martens & a disgusting attitude. Her whiney voice starting fights at hardcore shows, just to have her Nazi boyfriends jump us ten to one. YUCK!!) but to me her nose was just as large as I'd remembered it! It was even difficult to kiss her because it always bumped me first!! Now I know why she says that she NEVER wears her hair pulled back in a pony-tail or braids, etc... It would only exaggerate her nasty oversized bulbous nose! I also now know WHY she says she hates to have her pic taken--she is STILL embarrassed about her bulbous nose! My goodness, 45 years old & she is as self conscious as a 15 year old! I mean wow. Just wow. Lastly, I find it very suspicious that when her & I first started talking & dating, she asked me, "how do I get rid of this guy who keeps calling & texting & emailing me? I don't want him around anymore." I suggested she tell him that she has herpes or another S.T.I., for that'll certainly scare him off!! However, I'm now sure that she sicced the police on him!! Wow. I think she likes to pretend that she is always being chased after, courted & wanted, it makes perfect sense, since all homely women like to THINK they are a wanted commodity, when in reality they are a last resort for whomever is desperate & hard up. Seen one, seen 'em all. Just not one named Pinocchio......no love lost. It wasn't there in the first place. Just desperate times. :(
|For Some, Telling Lies is All They Know|
I'll post something (if just a list) about my new books (about two dozen or so) in the coming hours or days.
Heading over to Christ the King church in a bit to spend some time with Our Lord in Eucharistic Adoration soon. God, I LOVE Friday nights!
Keep the peace & look out for your brothers & sisters. m//r
UPDATE (Tues night):
Checked these out from the library for starters:
"Love and Living"
-by Thomas Merton
"Wake Up: A Life of the Buddha"
-by Jack Kerouac
"Good Life, Good Death: Tibetan Wisdom on Reincarnation"
-by Rimpoche Nawang Gehlek
"Mind Fist: The Asian Art of the Ninja Masters" [awesome book!]
-by Dr. Haha Lung
"Ordinary People as Monks & Mystics: Lifestyles for Self-discovery"
-by Marsha Sinetar
"The Way of Wisdom"
-by Margaret Silf
"Awakening the Quieter Virtues"
-by G. Spencer
"The Birth of Satan: Tracing the Devil's Biblical Roots"
-by T.J. Ray & G. Mobley
"The Hades Project"
-by L. Sholes & J. Moore
"The Jesus Discovery: The New Archaeological Find that Reveals the Birth of Christianity"
-by J.D. Tabor & S. Jacobovici
"The End of Suffering: Finding Purpose in Pain"
-by Scott Cairns
"Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth & Sacredness in Everyday Life"
-by Thomas Moore
"Rational Mysticism: Dispatches from the Border Between Science & Spirituality"
-by J. Horgan
"The Evolution-Creation Struggle"
-by M. Ruse
"Did Jesus Exist: The Historical Argument for Jesus of Nazareth"
-by Bart Ehrman
These arrived in the mail or transported by mule from the bookstore(s):
"A Concise History of Nazi Germany"
-by J.W. Bendersky
"Wisdom from the Monastery: A Program of Spiritual Healing"
-by Peter Seewald
"Jesus Was a Liberal: Reclaiming Christianity for All"
-by Rev. Scotty Mc Lennan
"In Search of Japan's Hidden Christians: A Story of Suppression, Secrecy, and Survival"
-by John Dougill
"The Orthodox Church in Eastern Europe in the Twentieth Century"
-by C. Chaillot
"The Emergence of Buddhism"
-by J.N. Kinnard
"The Word of the Buddha"
"Breaking Open the Head: A Psychedelic Journey into the Heart of Contemporary Shamanism"
-by Daniel Pinchbeck
"Where We Got the Bible: Our Debt to the Catholic Church"
-by Henry G. Graham
"Still the Mind"
-by Alan Watts
"The Way of Zen"
-by Alan Watts
"The Nazi Occult"
-by Kenneth Hite
"The Debate of King Milinda"
-by Bhikkhu Pesala
"Occult America: White House Seances, Ouija Circles, Masons, & the Secret History of Our Nation"
-by Mitch Horowitz
"Hitler in the Crosshairs: A GI's Story of Courage & Faith"
-by J. Woodbridge & M. Possley
-by George Woodcock [I'd hate to have that name!]
"Germany, 1945: From War to Peace [awesome!]
-by R. Bessel
"Is the Holocaust Unique: Perspectives on Comparative Genocide"
-by Alan S. Rosenbaum [the answer is NO! there have been a lot of tragedies comparable to the Jewish Holocaust™. worse things have happened. sorry]
"Philosophy of Human Rights"
-by D. Boersema
"The Defamation of Pius XII"
-by Ralph McInerny
"The Age of Kali: Indian Travels & Encounters"
-by W. Dalrymple
.......and two dozen more, but I'm tired now. Keep the peace & tell your friends & family that you love them! m//r