...very hard sometimes. As frustrated as I get, as suicidal as I feel, I just need to remember that I want to live. If for nothing else than to be able to see what will happen around 12-21-2012! I am strangely fascinated to this thesis. I am enthralled, you could say. But yes, this life is hard, cruel, unfair, uncomfortable, and sickening. People are treating each other like shit. We misuse & slaughter animals because we like their taste. We treat the earth with the respect of a pile of dog shit. We turned
our backs on God. We worship money, sex, and materialism. I'm so fucking sick of it. Maybe that's part of the reason why I've been on a suicidal death trip for 20 years now. I just don't care, most of the time. I'm a mean, nasty, racist, homophobic, slacker. Slacker times ten. I can stay up all night talking shit about someone, and then sleep in till 3pm the next day. Expecting someone else to buy me groceries, cook me food, and pay my bills. I just don't really give a fuck most of the fucking time. Seriously. I'm fed up. I've had enough. Tired of being alive more often than not. This is not a "cry out" for help or anything like that. I don't want your attention or sympathy. Actually, quite the contrary. I would really like to be left alone. I wouldn't mind having my tongue cut out of my head, sans anesthetic, and disposed of. I don't need to do anymore talking to anyone about anything. Just sick of shit over & over. But I DO want to live. Which makes this all so confusing. I hate the thought of giving up, throwing the towel in, buying the farm, giving up the ghost, etc. Keep on keeping on!